Learning How to Trust Yourself - December 5, 2022

Most of my clients, whether they see me for help dealing with anxiety, depression, or even infidelity, struggle with trusting themselves. The inability to trust yourself leads to dysfunction and pain. Trust of self, like trust of anyone, is learned behavior and driven by desire. If we desire someone as a partner, we will go out of our way to ignore red flags and, against our better judgment, overlook shortcomings so that we can give ourselves permission to be with them. When it doesn’t work out, we often then say that “if I had known then what I know now, I would have made different choices.” In most cases, we had the facts long before we acted on them.

Accepting less than we deserve is a matter of not trusting ourselves to get what we deserve or to live up to the standard that would create the opportunities we need to thrive. This lack of trust in ourselves to do the work that would result in our own happiness is generally rooted in a lifetime of settling for less. When we settle for less in any aspect of our lives, we teach ourselves that we deserve less and lose the ability to trust ourselves. Once we are on the path of self-loathing, it is difficult to get off that path and see ourselves as worthy of love, admiration, success, and happiness. The first step away from self-loathing is to admit that is what we are feeling: to admit we do not truly believe that we are worthy. (read more…)

Happiness Blog October 7, 2019

One of the most intimate spaces in our lives is our mind. A key part of having a safe life is having a strong and stable sense of self that is more positive than negative. This comes naturally to some and is a challenge for others. This is because we all receive different things from the way we were raised. Some people receive a stable sense of self that makes their life and their mind feel safe and good. Others receive an unstable or negative sense of self that makes their life and mind feel unsure and unsafe. An unstable sense of self is a feeling of not knowing who you are or who you are meant to be. A negative sense of self is a feeling of unworthiness or that you are inherently bad. No matter what your sense of self is, it can become something that is positive and good. For some people, a technique called reparenting helps that happen. (read more…)

Happiness Blog September 30, 2019

As we move from September into October, we continue to focus on building a safe life. Last month, we focused on increasing our fidelity and loyalty, which helps to ensure that we have safe people in our lives. The next few months we are going to focus on creating safety within our self and in our environment. This month specifically, we are going to focus on healing old wounds, but before we do that, we need to create safe spaces. We need to create a safe external and internal environment. Creating safe spaces will allow us to do the work without judgment. A safe external space will help provide cues that let us know we are physically and emotionally safe. Creating a safe space usually starts at home. (read more…)

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